Where you from?

There is literally nothing I can add here. I'm honestly a little disturbed at how confident this person is in their craziness.

I ain't playin'!!!

"One thing fosho Is I would never get playd like a lame rft ask aboud me bitch!!!!!!!!!!! Cause u must not know me" Translation: I am not the one to be trifled with, sir. I assume that you have not heard the news of my reputation which may in fact be legendary within this geographical area.

Sports fandumb

The 1995-96 Chicago Bulls did, in fact, win the NBA championship in rather convincing fashion.

A game of children

"Ayee girl can I delete yo saved file and start a new one ? By this I mean can I delete yo kids and we can make new ones?"

Translation: Hello, female. Can I get rid of your current kids and build a family, starting from us?

A case of "Their"

"it's sad my child won't know who there dad is"

Translation: It is said that my child will not know his or her father.

Cialis? Viagra?

"Tell me why im over here fuckin an every time i get hard an fuck her for a liddle bit of time i instaly go back solf what the fuck that post to me is there sumthing wrong with me i mean dam tf"

Translation: Do explain why my penis becomes flaccid during intercourse, shortly after starting. Is there something wrong with me? The fuck?

Not Faygo?

"LISS DO FAYCHULS~"

Translation: Let's do facials!

Special Order

"DONT PASS THE BLUNT TO ME iF iTS NOT DiPPED iN THE PUSSY."

Translation: Dip the blunt in the specifically referenced vagina before passing it to me.

True Colors

"THIS NIGGA TOLD ME "DONT FORGET WHERE YOU CAME FROM".LAST TIME I CHECK ----- ALWAYS HAD AND ----- NEVER WANT FOR NOTHING.MY MOTHER AND FATHER MADE SURE I HAD AND I MAKE SURE MY SON HAVE.NOW I KNOW WHERE WE STAND AND ONCE YOU ACROSS THAT LINE, THERE NO TURN AROUND.NEVER KNOW WHO YOU HAVE IN YOUR CIRCLE UNTILE THEY SHOW THEY TURE COLOR.ME, ------ AND -----."

 Note: The names have been crossed out for anonymity.

Translation: This person told me to never forget your place of origin. As I can last recall, I have not ever lacked, and I have made sure of the same circumstance for my son. I now know the relationship between I and the person who addressed me. He crossed the Rubicon. You never know who you have among you until they display their true colors.

Oh, Mickey

"Way go mickey n picture of u cool n where u been hiding from me I though I lost u keep in remind u r then kkk"

Translation: Way to go Mickey! That picture of you is cool. Where have you been? I thought that I had lost you. Keep reminding me that you ok then. Ok.

This still makes my head hurt a bit.

No to the Ragged

"I do not waist time on no raggedy ass bitch. If u tryin to fight or see me im not about to meet up with u or catch a case behind no bitch. Just run up if u c me and u think u fukin bad. Im not about to play FB banging, text bangin none of that bullshit. U wanta c me then u make the move cus after u put your hands on me I have the ok to beat the breaks off yo ass bitch! Im smart never a dummy and I do not waist my energy or time on hoe trifflin bitches!!"

 Translation: I do not waste time on raggedy ass people. If you're trying to have an altercation with me, in which we co-initiate such an altercation, you're mistaken since I am not trying to get in trouble in the law on your account. Just try to come up to me if you do in fact see me, provided that you feel confident; I shall not endeavor to deal with facebook or text-based harassment. I want you to make the move so that I can legally rough you up. I'm intelligent and choose to be efficient when dealing with uncouth people.

Anger undesired

"I hate when I ask questions and piss myself off cause that was not the answer I wanted."

Translation: I hate when I anger myself by getting unwanted answers to my questions. 

Alert

"ILL NIGGA ALERT ILL NIGGA ALERT,...2 chainz be knowin sometimes fam"

Translation: Cool person alert! (2x)...The rapper known as 2 chains is often wise.

"Damn girl how you do dat dere, How you got a ponytail and you ain't got no hair. Haha!!!"

Translation: Damn, girl. How did you accomplish the feat of having a ponytail with no hair? Haha!!!

Low Battery

"Bitchz be black az fuck with red hair looking like a low battery"

 Translation: Women with a dark complexion and red hair look like low battery warnings.

Standards

""lmao fuk dat bitch ass nothing ass nigka on my sick mother dat nigka lying!!!! we jus had dis talk!!! but gudk lookn wen yuhh see or talk to him... tell dat nigka hes a hoe ass bum ass nothing ass nigka keep me out yuhh n his beef!!!! tell him he will never ever be gudk enuff for him""

Translation: Disregard that person who has no value. We just had spoken about the particular issue that I express heated sentiments about. When you see that person, tell him that he is a whorish loser and to keep you out of this disputation. Tell him that that this particular person in whom he has expressed interest will not meet his standards.

Quite a while

"Damn aint been on n sum time if u get money lik dis ststus""

Translation: I haven't been on in a while. Like this status if you get money. It is presumed that this is a facebook post.

Social Networking Sites and Child Neglect

"Bitches b having whole kids to tend to but seem to want to argue on social sites BITCH KILL YO SELF U HEAR THEM KIDS IN THERE CRYING""

Plenty women spend disproportionately more time arguing social networking sites than tending to their kids. Our poster suggests that such women should kill themselves, noting their apparent neglect.

Thirsty

"Alright so I see alot of you bitches& niggas are confused about how this thirsty shit is supposed to work, so let me help y'all. If he or she is constantly liking& commenting on every picture you post,or steady hitting you up in yo inbox even though you ain't responding,THATS THIRSTY,but if he/she like a pic here& there,comment every blue moon, & hit ya inbox with a hey,hello, how you doing, or complimenting you on yo attributes, THATS JUST SOMEBODY TRYNA BE POLITE& LET YOU NO THAT THEY ACKNOWLEDGE YOU. So take the compliment,say thank you& be thankful,kuz alot of y'all couldn't get a head nod a couple years ago, let alone a kind gesture, so appreciate the attention & thank God you getting it"

Our observer posits that plenty of folk, male and female, are confused about the proper designation of the term "thirsty" to an individual. He astutely contrasts the activities by which his target audience mistakenly conflates. To those who take it upon themselves to "like" each post that their unresponsive beloved posts and unwaveringly fill inboxes, our observer counts them among the thirsty. If, however, such a person occasionally does the aforementioned activities, then that person is not to be counted among those of thirst. Our observer capitalizes an entire sentence to put greater emphasis on the possibility that perhaps this person is just being polite; following this, he insists that the receiving party of such potential politeness give thanks and be thankful, for suggestion that plenty of those receiving previously were not receiving such favor.

Ok. Simply put. Not everyone that compliments you is trying to bed you. Learn to distinguish and appreciate a fair gesture of politeness.

On that fruity pebble

"I'm bout to Blow the bang some fruity pebbles"

Another pretty easy one. This person just wants to take a smoke break, relax and enjoy part of a complete breakfast.